Why I Don’t ‘Date’…
Imagine this: A guy gets a girl’s phone number through a mutual friend because he’s intrigued. The guy and the girl have a month long phone and webcam “get to know each other” little thing… They finally meet… They hang out, they sleep together, phone calls, texts, webcam, all that good shit.
Facts: He lives in Florida. Her in Cali.
Yes, we’re talking about me here.
Pause. Two months down the road, we’ve been talking almost daily, we’ve been hanging out when we can, and a random chick hits me up on Twitter. Long story short, she knows who I am and that I’ve been talking to her apparent “boyfriend of four years” as she says, although she apparently has a kid from someone else, he had a very public relationship with someone else… RANDOM! He doesn’t deny knowing her and fucking her, but calls her a mistake he made on a night he blacked out and says shit like, “The more she thinks she knows, the closer she thinks we are… She’s fucking psycho…” shit like that. Whatever.
Continue the little phone/webcam ‘thing’ while homeboy tours. “I miss you… Can’t wait to see you…” and even some pretty kinky texts, pictures
and, yes, video!
Follow with shit like, “Your job is really starting to bother me… You don’t have any other ‘friends’ like me, do you?…” etc., etc. What’s a girl to think? Wow, he really likes me if my job is starting to bother him. But that’s okay. It’s not a lifelong thing and it’s something I’m willing to give up to pursue a relationship so long as I’m assured that it’s a move that’s worth it, right?
“But… You can’t really get upset if I do fuck other girls, right? Because of what you do…” I’m confused. The thought of me being with someone else bothers you, so I think you like me. Now you’re talking about other chicks, so… You’re really not that into it??? I’m so confused!!!
See him for the first time in over 2 months yesterday. We hang out, we sleep together, I go to his show… Then he’s got some hosting thing to do. “So… I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Huh? You mean I’m not going with you? “You know what would happen if we showed up together!” Dude! It’s not like I’m asking you to hold my hand and make out with me, but I don’t think that us being at that same party amongst a bunch of friends is gonna cause too much ‘drama’ for you… Unless, of course, you’re either (1) afraid of the public’s judgements of being friends with a pornstar, which you told me you didn’t care about, or (2) you just don’t want anyone else to ‘find out’ about me… Like the ‘crazy bitch’ who WAS allowed to attend a hosting gig that you did just 2 weeks ago… What the fuck is that?!
Insert fight. He’s mad at me because I’m mad at him because he said this and did that, then I said this that pissed him off… All that bullshit. Are you kidding me?!?!
My number one question that he just dodges is, “Why feed me the bullshit with the sweet talking, the hanging out, the sex, etc., if you’re not in it for a relationship?” Look, I don’t want a ring on my finger tomorrow. I don’t. All I ask for is some respect, as a FRIEND, that, if we’re gonna ‘hang out’, don’t make me feel like that can only be done in the privacy of a hotel room… And don’t hang out with ‘crazy bitches’ that are gonna disrespect me! Is that so much to ask? Fuck! So, again… “Are you labeling me as just ‘a good time while in Cali’ or is our ‘friendship’ worth the time, effort and feelings that have been going into it to eventually be ‘something’?”
Him: “I hope we can remain friends but that’s all I can give you right now.”
Awesome. But what does that mean to you, asshole?!?! Do you mean that you still want me to spread my legs for you so you can have a good time, but then chicken out in public because God forbid that someone else find out we’re ‘FRIENDS’. Frankly, being ‘friends’ with someone usually involves some level of respect for them, which would include inviting them out with all the other friends regardless of what you think people are going to say.
Fuck that. Anyone that wants to be ‘friends’ with me, on whatever level, needs to show me, pornstar or not, a little bit of respect. I don’t get it…
May 30th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
randomly caught this and read it. i dont wanna sound like an asshole but its something ive done, not to that extent mind you, he just wanted some pussy. nothing more nothing less, i used to do it and guys will do it their whole entire lives. alot of guys will be like hey i like you, you like me, lets fuck. i also bet he once said that he likes to sneak around with you bcuase it makes it exciting. dont worry about it, guys are shitty and girls are too. you just gotta find the right one and until then just keep learning from the other relationships. thats my rant of the day, good luck you never know whats around the corver
May 30th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
I love u…haha ur so real down to earth. and HILARIOUS….im a guy but i know we can be douches sometimes..ha come to texas ‘
May 30th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
pornstar or not i respect you
deeply
May 30th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I don’t understand why everything had to be so sketchy and secretive. I’m sorry you got dicked over. You didn’t deserve it.
May 30th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Man that is messed up..I be very happy and proud to have a friend like you and hang out in public places. Porn is your job but whenever you aren’t working you are a regular chick who wants, needs, and must be respected. Period….love from dallas tx bb..
May 30th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
What a ass. he had a chance with you and blew it i would give anything to be in his shoes. i do admit it would bother me to have a girl porn knowing she is with other people but that is how she makes a living and is willing to give it up for the right man. step it up punk Jayden is beautiful and you were lucky to be with her basterd
May 30th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
There are men, and there are boys that pretend to be men. This is a case of the latter, he knew what you did and said no problem, then it became a problem, that is just bullshit. He doesn’t see it as a problem if he sleeps with other women, because of your job then ask this, “If this wasn’t my job would it be an issue if I slept with someone else without you knowing about it?”
Sounds like someone who is just in it for the good time, but is afraid to tell the truth. That is a boy not a man, and hopefully you will find the man you deserve soon enough.
May 30th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
u look beautiful i don’t no u but i want to get no u
May 30th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
hi,my english is short, primero que nada espero que puedas leer esto o que te lo traduscan, estrella porno o no, primero que nada eres una mujer que por lo poco que se de ti por el twitter, una mujer con grandes sentimientos, esa persona es un verdadero idiota al no apreciar a la mujer que podria tener,no te sientas mal veras que en algun momento encontraras a la persona ideal para ti, ya que como te dije vales mucho y te me haces una super mujer. te mando un gran saludo y espero que algun dia puedas venir a mexico ya que aqui te esperamos con los brazos abiertos. espero con esto poder darte animos,te mando un beso y un abrazo.
May 30th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
He seems to be missing the fact that even though your job involves sex with other people, it doesn’t involve emotion! So *no* he can’t fuck other girls because of it. Ugh. Sorry youre having to deal with this
May 30th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
as I said earlier you deserve someone better than just think about sex. alguine and said that only thinks about sex is just an animal irrasional
May 30th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Hi! from mexico
Hello jayden before all your you are a great woman and deserve respect, no matter the work you have and as you earn life. I you still from many years ago and I think that you are a person with good sense and deserve to be happy. I hope and levantes the mood by that always you seen smiling in the photos. ————– Here is a great friend not asking you anything in return——-
much love to you!
kisses and bless!
May 30th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Jayden,
It sucks that he played with your feelings like that. I think you need to date someone that is not in the celebrity type of industry. As long as you are doing porn, it will be hard for them to think of you other then a girl to have fun with. As you know, some industries are all about the public’s perception, not how the person really feels. I think any man would be lucky to have someone as caring & sweet as you. In time, you will find that person…
May 30th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Honestly, that isn’t right at all. Regardless of your choice in profession, you deserve respect and the man has no right to treat you like that. If he is to much of a puss worrying about what people think then honestly you don’t need that in your life. You shouldn’t even sweat it. From reading your blogs and following you on Twitter; seeing your post and photos, I can tell that you are a real, fun, laid back, down to Earth girl. If he is too blind to see something good that is right in front of him then shame on him. You deserve and will find better.
May 30th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
You know it’s reminds me of a song lyric from Pantera, This song does not have anything to do with your situation. But the line is perfect. It goes,”Be a man, not a child.”
That is fucked up. You deserve better.
May 31st, 2010 at 1:39 pm
It sounds to me that you might be interested in finding a way to stop subconsciously attracting asshole douchebaggery, Jayden.
This is not the first posting where you’ve cited the elements of ‘fractional men’ that you’ve been interested in at one point or another. Because I respect you and what you do, both inside and outside of the Adult Industry, I highly recommend trying your own personal social experiment. Try (for your own set amount of time, i.e. a month, three months, etc.) changing your people, places, and things. Completely revolutionize all of your social influences and “insert” other similar and completely different, positive influences into your life and see what happens. To give you an example, my life was going down a very challenging and depressing road that motivated me to use the coping mechanisms of drugs, sex, and alcohol, not in a fun way, but as a distraction from what I was really going through emotionally and mentally. Fortunately, with a certain amount of strength and integrity, I changed my overall paradigm (people, places, and things) and now I enjoy my life and relationships more than I ever have. I’m at peace, not all, but most of the time. I also want you to know, Jayden, that I’m not talking down to you or objectifying/judging what you do. I’m making a simple recommendation to someone that I appreciate and would like to see more of with or without the “alternative entertainment industry”. I wish ya nothing but the best.
sincerely,
Donovan
May 31st, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Those that don’t respect you can’t expect to be respected themselves
May 31st, 2010 at 10:20 pm
hey, I respect you.
June 1st, 2010 at 1:34 am
dont date someone thats gepgraphically undesirbale! your JJ and your Michelle! dont go out lookin for a guy! the right one will find you when you least expect it! in the meantime just do your own thing and let the good times roll! all guys aree assholes ( including myself) ya just gotta find one you can tolerate! cheer up gorgeous , take care !
June 1st, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I love you Jayden! But i`m from argentina =0(.
You are a princess!
June 1st, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Alright I’m going to nerd out for a second. First off Ms. Jaymes you are simply the most attractive woman I have ever laid eyes on. Second, from some of your comments in the videos you seem to be smart and not some dingy hot chick so I like that.
Anyway enough on me marking out to you. The guy is an ass pure and simple. Makes the decent guys look bad too.
So yeah if you are ever in the Tampa area…okay had to try right
June 2nd, 2010 at 7:51 am
thats messed up he treated you like that…do not be mad at him though…maybe he was just not ready for a serious relationship? or was party more for business? Mainstream is complicated. oh well Its his loss! You are a very Intelligent girl and any guy would be lucky just talk to you everyday.
June 2nd, 2010 at 3:33 pm
I just saw your TrueLife, and you rock! You seem really down to earth and kind, and I think you definitely deserve better than some asshole that doesn’t give you the respect everyone ought to. People shouldn’t judge you or treat you differently based on your job, especially your “friends”. Fuck that guy!
June 9th, 2010 at 1:18 am
I just saw the video on YouTube and I have an idea who you’re talking about. Dude is fucking stupid and deserves to be shot. I know you probably hear this a lot and what not. But, you deserve and you seem like a cool chick.
PS I would love to smoke a blunt with you.
June 9th, 2010 at 1:19 am
You deserve better. I cant type when I’m high apparently.
June 10th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Fuck, he should threat you better. You are a sweeeeet girl.
June 11th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
guys are dicks like every one else said. trust is kind of important and when one side loses it then things just aren’t meant to be. good luck chica i hope things get better for you.
June 12th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Hahahahaha, yeah this is really, but come on people this gal a very attractive one by the way, she knows all this shit, she knows guys are assholes, chicks are bitches and well life is hard so fuck it. And obviously this guys that you’re meeting aren’t the smartes dog in the litter. Why start a relationship with someone you know you’re gonna have trouble having her meet friends. Obviously, he wanted to have his cake and it too. Who would wanna give up sex with a gorgeous gal and top of that she knows what she’s doin in bed, obviously this guy thought he was smart.
June 12th, 2010 at 2:39 am
WOW,just WOW! Man, where do i begin? I tell you what, first let’s deal with this dude’s lack of consideration for your feelings. Personally i have never, ever, led a young lady on into thinking that our time together is anything more than what it really is. Period. That’s what men (not boys) do. So, he was dead wrong to fill your head with all kinds of bullshit in an attempt to make you think he really cares for you, because he doesn’t. Now for the harsh reality: you are little more than a hole to drop a load in for this guy. You have chosen a “profession” in which you perform the most intimate sexual acts on camera. Why you feel that everyone should look at what you do as simply a job and nothing else is beyond mind boggling. I mean, you fuck, suck, and get nut shot in your face for the whole world to see and yet expect any guy worth anything to “respect” it because it’s your so-called job? What fanatsy world are you living in.
I’m not trying to be harsh, so please excuse me if i come off as insulting. I guess what i’m trying to say is that you need to stick with gents who are part of the industry that you have chosen. You will have a much better chance at finding someone who can at least deal with the fact that he has a girlfriend who fucks other guys and girls. And on camera at that. I remember a VERY big name in the industry writing a story on her myspace page about being pretty down because she had met an awesome guy who was unconnected to the industry in any way and actually had no idea who she was when they first met. they grew to really like each other, but the relationship eventually soured, leading her to come to this conclusion: NO guy really wants to be involved with someone who has her pussy and everything else spread open for everyone to see. No matter how much they pretend that it doesn’t bother them, at the end of the day they find it impossible to maintain any level of respect for a lady who choses porn as a profession. Of course there are exceptions, but the rule is the shit just won’t work. And, when you factor in that the guy may be somewhat well known and famous, the odds are even slimmer. He will understandably be VERY concerned about how he is perceived by the public once the revelation gets out that he showed up at some event with a porn star. Sorry. You may vey well be a very nice young lady, but because of what you do for a living it is going to be incredibly hard to find someone who can truly handle it. One thing i would recommend is slowing down and taking the time to get to know a guy before you drop your pants. Remember, NO guy is gonna feel that you are any kind of challenge because of what you do for a living. He’s gonna just assume that you are an easy lay right off the bat. It’s up to YOU to make him work for it. THEN see how long he sticks around. On the other hand, if you are up for just fooling around then it’s all good.
June 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Jayden,
I am sorry to hear about your heart braking. The search for love can be a tough one. One that often leads to heartbreak. The worst part is how it can become so hard to focus on anything else. It can consume your mind (The goods and the bads). But I fear that you will probably have a lot more heartbreak before it gets better.
Let me get this straight. You are looking for a guy that will show you respect? Let me ask you this. Why do you deserve respect? It is obvious you are intelligent, caring, and compassionate. You also write very well. You are also very beautiful. My guess is that you are hoping a guy will see all of these things, and he will love you for them (understandably. But in order for a guy to truly love you, he has to take a risk with his heart. Men guard their hearts even more than women do. They also are afraid of getting hurt. I do not say these things to hurt you, but I think any guy with the true qualities that you are looking for, is not going to be interested in taking a chance on you. Your career has it’s disadvantages, and a this is a big one.
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with all of the guys that come into your life. The good guys are not showing up.
So you will continue to run into guys that seem to be willing to love you, but find out later on that it was more a motivation of their cock than their heart. I have no doubt that there are a lot of guys out there that could truly love you the way that you want to be loved, but your career will fend them off, and even if you get lucky and find one, your career will probably ruin the chances of landing him.
I am guessing that you already know all of this, but there is always that slim chance, and my guess is that you continually think that maybe you will get lucky. But every time you roll the dice, you end up getting hurt and angry.
I feel for ya.
It is a tough decision, but I think you have to choose between your career and your future happiness.
Why not quit tomorrow? What are you afraid of? Imagine life without porn. It is scary, but there is a hint of freedom in the thought. Go for the freedom.
I would never date a pornstar. It would be way too complicated. Love is complicated enough as it is. But a girl who has looked at her life and has shown the strength to overcome and to make a new start. That is a girl that a lot of “good” guys would date.
Do what really makes you happy. Only you know what that is. My guess is that it isn’t porn.
June 15th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
He is an asshole. You are woman and this is enough to have a great respect for You.
I wish you all good from Poland!
June 16th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Such a cop out on his part. He just wanted to have a friend with “benefits”, that’s it. He gives guys a bad name.
Jayden, you’re awsome and deserve someone that respects you and can really be with the real you. We are who we are, with flaws and scars but also with great hope and admiration of ourselves and others and are special in our own ways and tryly deserve to be happy.
He’s an ahole and not ready for a woman like you, just hoodrats. XD
Don’t let him get you down.
June 19th, 2010 at 7:25 pm
I love you and would do anything to date you. This guy was an asshole
June 20th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I think that it;s just, “Do you mean that you still want me to spread my legs for you so you can have a good time, but then chicken out in public because God forbid that someone else find out we’re ‘FRIENDS.’” You are better than this, even to get spend the time and effort on it.
June 20th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Unfortunately, you ended up dating someone who wanted all the benefits of dating you (friendship, sex, etc), but was embarrassed for anyone else to find out.
Additionally, given your current job (and it is a job afterall) they had no right to expect that they were entitled to see other women ‘on the side’ or that you should be prepared to accept the situation.
If you do want to date, you will either have to date within the industry, due to the fact that the other person should be under no illusion as to what is entailed, change profession such that the problem doesn’t occur or find someone without who is accepting of the fact that you can differentiate between love and sex.
All I can say is good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:35 am
It is hard to comment this kind of topics without knowing how the person (Jayden Jaymes) not the porn star, really is, but I will try. I know at the moment that you wrote this post you were pissed, disappointed upset, mad and that is understandable. Not because you are a PORN Start means that you have to play the game of everybody else and be shame of waht you do for life. I don’t say that you were BUT as this man acted looked like he was shame of you, and that sucks. He knew who were you, he knew what was your profession, so acting how he acted just because didn’t want you to go to his party that really sucks… Unfortunately, everything that he told you was to be good with you and earnings points to get “INTO” you. I know that out there is the right guy for you, the one that will accept you how you are, and what you do, not matter what you do. Enjoy your life, you have great people around you (friends), you have fans that literately would kill for you
and nothing Life is only one and I KNOW that you are enjoying it the way that has to be =)
Take care… and see you around…
JMI
June 23rd, 2010 at 8:27 pm
[...] playing on a screen that was right behind our table. Well… Buzz kill!!! Remember my recent post about some guy being a total inconsiderate ASS to me a couple weeks ago? Well… [...]
July 1st, 2010 at 8:00 am
respect..that what i can say..porn star or not..still people in this forsaken earth..keep it up girl!!
July 4th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Honestly, I am in this situation at the moment.
Calls when he’s “lonely,” says he “wishes” I was hanging out with him at events, “misses” me, yet he tells me about his exs, shows me pics even (that doesn’t bother me I know I’m cute and unique screw those “normal”/ “cookie cutter” types, no individuality) & I found out recently he invited some mutual gfs to some events (yea I know he likes the cute Euro blonde types but please fucker not my friends) anyhow they declined knowing I really like him and told me like a day later (my girls got my back). A chick I’m acquainted w/who doesn’t know about me & him even said she visited his new place & met his new room-mate (that’s just dis-respectful to me. I know I am not his gf but invite me out as a friend as I’ve done w/u).
Truth, communication and respect is all I ask. And he is failing./
July 17th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
[...] playing on a screen that was right behind our table. Well… Buzz kill!!! Remember my recent post about some guy being a total inconsiderate ASS to me a couple weeks ago? [...]
July 18th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Hi Jayden, all i can say after this story that you are really a nice person. Still young but wise and deserve respect more then any other.
Milo
July 26th, 2010 at 2:04 am
Why does love have to be so difficult? One would think if it is love it would be easier.
It’s out there, somewhere…
August 2nd, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Just stumbled upon your site since its blocked in my country.
This is one of the many things that happens when you put your heart out on the line and trust people. Some guys and girls are jerks because they are used to getting away with it.
Believe me, where I come from its worse for girls. Guys would sleep with their girlfriends but they won’t marry them later because they are not virgins! How fucked up is that?
Girls are just as bad too, they’ll lead guys on for years and talk about how they love that guy and want to be with him, only to suddenly run off and marry a rich dude because of a family thing. (Arranged marriages happen often here)
We’ve all had our share of heartbreak, and it doesn’t really get easy with time.
I deeply hope you find someone (guy or girl) that truly accepts you for who you are, and will stand up for you because he/she believes in you.
Anyway take care Jayden, I hope life treats you well